Please God, don't take him!

On July 26, 2005, I had a regular baby checkup. By this time, I was 37 weeks pregnant and had been coming to the doctor once a week since 32 weeks when I went into preterm labor. At this visit on the 26th, I was getting very tired of being pregnant! I still had PUPPS disease and it was driving me insane! I was HUGE and swelled up as it was the middle of summer. Doctors had estimated that Gavin would weigh over 8 pounds and the last ultrasound I had at 35 weeks said he weighed almost 6 pounds. But my mind was reminding me of how lucky I was to even be pregnant and to have made it this far in my pregnancy! I was just miserable and ready to have my baby. Ready to begin the next part, being a parent! I was so ready to be a mommy! I told my doctor how miserable I was so he set an induction date. But to help speed things along, he stripped my membranes. I don't exactly know what that means but it hurt! That night, I ate beanie weenies before I went to bed which gave me horrible heartburn! I remember I was dreaming that I had him and he was stillborn I woke up having a contraction at 6:00 am. I woke Jeremy up and told him it was time! I called my mama to come get us as we had an hour and a half drive ahead of us! We stopped by McDonalds and got a biscuit. I couldn't eat mine. My contractions were back to back and bad! I didn't think we'd ever get to the hospital!

When we arrived, I was taken to labor and delivery where I was hooked up to the stress monitor. All three doctors from my doctors office were in my room lined up talking and pointing to the monitor. This scared be so bad! The thing was, I was having massive contractions one right behind the other with pretty much no break in between. Plus, I wasn't dialating at all! I had been at a 3 for weeks by that point. And with every contraction, Gavins heart rate was dropping and very low! The nurse would come running in my room and making me lay on my side. At one point his heart rate dropped down to 40! All I kept thinking was I'm this close and I'm going to lose my baby! And I prayed, please God don't take him from me, PLEASE!!

When his heart rate dropped to 40, the nurse and doctors came in turning me and were kinda panicking! I knew they knew something I didn't know! The nurse told me I would have to go in and have an emergency c-section. I had only just got to the hospital barely thirty minutes before this so there was no time for an epidural. His heart rate was dropping and fast! I had a nurse taking off my jewelry and one putting a catheter in. I would have to be put to sleep there was no other way! Without Jeremy or my mama because it was an emergency and they didn't know what was to come so the anesthesiologist wouldn't let them come with me. The last thing I saw as I was wheeled into the elevator was mama and Jeremy standing in the hall outside my room crying. I kept asking the doctor, is everything ok?! Please don't tell me my babys going to die! PLEASE DON'T!!! I prayed, please God, please don't take my baby boy, please not again! Please let me wake up to a screaming baby, a breathing baby, PLEASE!! I think I would've sold my soul to the highest bidder just to keep my baby boy!! I continued to pray, continued begging God to let me have him!!

As the mask was put on my face and I was told to count backwards from ten, I had but one thing on my mind: Gavin Riley Todt! Let the love I already feel for him pull him through! Tears rolled down my face as I shut my eyes and was out.....