Angel Mothers: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

Today I'm going to steer away from my story and take this opportunity to tribute fellow angel mothers! I say mothers, not because I believe that the fathers don't feel a sense of loss or grief for their children but because I'm a mother and I can relate to other mothers. And in my experience, as most of you have read, the father of my angels didn't care much nor did he stick around to help me get through it. Not that I think all fathers are like this. In my latest experiences, I've actually come across a few fathers who consider their angels like the mothers do. And build their lives around spreading awareness and talking about their angels. But this post is about fellow mothers of angels. You see, the mothers,are the ones that carry our children. We feel every kick, every hiccup, every movement. Which causes us, by nature, to become more attached to our babies from the moment we conceive. I guess you could say, for a while, that I kept my angel, Kaylea, all to myself. I didn't share her with the world. Only sharing her with close friends and family. But recently, in October of 2012, I started a Twitter page in remembrance of her. I thought I'd tweet about stillbirth and raise awareness by telling of warning signs, causes and statistics. But what I never thought I'd find was a group of wonderful, amazingly strong and brave woman that have become sort of a second family to me! It's coming up on nine years since I gave birth to Kaylea Blair, silently, at only 19 years of age. A mere adult, I was happy at the thought of giving birth to my first child, a daughter! A person should never have to give birth to a baby that has already passed away. In it's mothers womb, the place that's supposed to give life, house life, safely within the mother, suddenly turns into a shallow grave. I found only a few people who had lost a child and even fewer that were willing to talk about their children. All I wanted to do was talk about Kaylea! The same as a mother who talks about her living childs first steps or first words. It was no different for me! I was proud of her! The same as if she'd been born alive! So, I kept her to myself. What I found on Twitter was women shouting their babies names from the rooftops! Loving them, rejoicing about them! And I loved it! It made it ok to speak your angels names! People, strangers even, were asking me about Kaylea! Wanting to hear her story! I was amazed! Now, I'm not saying I had no support at all. Because I did. But I met a wonderful woman, Gale, who I've mentioned before, that didn't have the proper support she needed and had kept silent for 37 YEARS! And still she's proud of both her angels! Now she has the support system she needed then and that's so wonderful! I've come to admire her greatly! And even though we've never met, feel like I've known her my whole life! I met Sheila, who's loss is very recent. Who I learned doesn't live far from me! I'd love to meet her! I met Emma, a sweet girl from the U.K. who's baby girl, Charlie died as a result of Potters Syndrome. She reminds me ALOT of myself. She's 20, only a year older than I was when I lost Kaylea. She's such a sweet girl who wants what every mother wants after a loss, to be a mother again. This urge to become a mother after a loss is insatiable! It's kind of like a craving you get while pregnant, it doesn't go away until satisfied. I can relate as I had that sort of "craving" after I suffered a miscarriage 8 months after Kaylea. But I was satisfied by two rainbow babies. So many mothers are still awaiting the arrival of their much wanted and needed rainbow baby. So many women are told they'll never conceive and then by some miraculous stroke of luck, they do! And then, as if it was a quick dream, the baby is taken away. I never had a problem conceiving rather holding the pregnancy. As alot of women have this problem as well. Whatever the case may be, these women DESERVE these babies they're trying so hard to get! I wish so badly that no person would ever have to go through the horrific experience that is child and or baby loss! I know the feeling of putting on a happy face when you are DYING INSIDE!! So many questions that need answers! How do you remain optimistic when your children are being taken from you as quickly as they were given? Why would God give you a baby just to take it away? How can you remain faithful when something so tragic has happened to you? And the biggest question of all: WHY DID MY BABY HAVE TO DIE?!

I want each and every angel mother out there to know one thing: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! If you can't find support at home or in your area, come to us! All babies count, no matter how long they were here, no matter if they never took a breath outside your body, no matter if the pregnancy never made it past the first month, no matter if they lived a minute or a month! That baby was your baby and he/she was a person, a human being, and they MATTER!! Never think your baby is not important and never let anyone tell you he/she isn't important! Please know that, there is a support system out there for you. Full of women who know exactly how you feel every moment of the day! They've thought the same thoughts and asked the same unanswered questions you have, over and over everyday! You just have to find us because we are here! Never keep these feelings to yourself! It will drive you insane!

I have received some beautiful things from a few of the wonderful women I've met on Twitter. @maurasmission offers beautiful blocks that can contain your angels name, birthday, angelverserys, weight & length and your choice of a quote on all four sides. I received a bear from Leanne at @achingarms in memory of my friend Sheilas angel, Jamie. Sheila had the bear sent to me. And these things are free of charge for angel parents. You can also purchase them. These wonderful ladies who know what you're going through. They know the importance of remembering our angels! If you send them a question or want to talk, they always reply almost immediately! And they know beautiful ways for remembering your angels! The pictures below show my bear and my beautiful block I received from these beautiful, amazing ladies!!

I'm leaving you with some quotes that are true of every baby born. And information for any woman that stumbles across my blog who may be feeling these feelings or asking these questions! My Email is: Mamasbby84@aol.com my Twitter name is @Kayleas_Hope04™ I have a Facebook page: Facebook.com/SupportForMothersofAngels Please feel free to contact me, ANYTIME!!

"Not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone. But still, miraculously, my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it."

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my babys birth. And whispered as she closed the book, "Too beautiful for earth."

"Tiny angel rest your wings sit with me for a while. How I long to hold your hand and see your tender smile. Tiny angel look at me I want this image clear…That I’ll forget your precious face that is my biggest fear. Tiny angel, can you tell me why you have gone away? You weren’t here for very long…why is it you couldn’t stay? Tiny angel shook his head “These things I do not know…But I do know that you love me and that I love you so.”

"Beautiful memories silently kept of a baby we love and will NEVER forget!"

"God saw you getting tired, a cure not meant to be. So he put his arms around you and whispered, “Come with me.” With tearful eyes we watched you and saw you fade away, although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, your tender hands at rest. God took you home to prove to us he only takes the best."