Continuing my story from when Kenadi was sick at four weeks old. So, while I was in the hospital with Kenadi, Jeremy refused to come stay or even come see her! She was so tiny and sick and I felt so very bad for her. It was such a helpless feeling because I couldn't take it away from her!
We spent two nights in the hospital and then we were released. I was to give Kenadi two different prescription medicines. One for acid reflux and the other to help get her formula to her stomach. I also had to add cereal to her formula to thicken it and help her put weight on.
Jeremy and I continued arguing, mainly because I didn't want to leave Gavin & Kenadi with him and his girlfriend. I didn't know anything about her and what I did know, I hated! Plus, my infant baby didn't need to be around another woman trying to be her mother! Alot of my hate stemmed from her being a part of breaking my family up. Don't get me wrong, I didn't just blame her but she knew about me. She knew he was married and his wife was 5 months pregnant and had an 18 month old son at home! What kind of woman does that!? I hated her with a passion that almost scared me!
After time began to pass, I finally accepted the fact that Jeremy and I were truly over this time. He wouldn't be coming back and I needed to move on. For a while I would let him get Gavin & Kenadi but on my terms! I wanted him doing everything for Kenadi. Changing her diapers, feeding her and giving her meds and a bath. I didn't want Amanda doing any of these things! A few months later, Jeremy was having to attend anger management classes because of the assault and battery charges on me and Gavin. I began taking him because his lovely girlfriends car was broke down. He began talking about coming back home. See, by this time, I had gotten used to doing whatever I wanted to do! So I wasn't sure I wanted him back. Plus, everything he'd put me through I just couldn't forgive him! But, after a while, we began sleeping together again. He spent more time at my house than he did at home! And I can't lie, I missed him, very much! But, I didn't know if I missed him bad enough to take him back. After thinking about it for around a week, I decided I would let him come back home.
He made a plan to wait (as he ALWAYS did) until Amanda left for work and move out. Keep in mind, that's how he always did me! He'd wait until I was gone to pack up & move! I think part if me just wanted to prove to Amanda that I could get him back. I had spent months listening to her say if I'd taken care of my man I wouldn't have lost him! And I kept telling her she was an idiot if she thought he wouldn't do it to her as well! He had already been cheating on her with me. So, of course, when she got him, he was gone. She immediately began calling my house and I refused to let her talk to him. Instead, I said, "if you'd taken care of him, maybe he'd still be with you!" And, oh, did it feel good to say that to her!! She'd come to my house if we were gone and leave notes for him on my door.
The only problem was, during the 7 months we'd been split up, I'd fallen way out of love with him. And I knew as soon as I let him come back that I really didn't want him there. As I said, I kind of just wanted to prove a point. But things were not the same with him at all. And a week in, it was time to make a change...
(The photos below are of Kenadi and Gavin through her first year. She caught her weight up quick :)
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