"Doctor" Kermit Gosnells House Of Horrors

This is a remarkable moment in American life: A man is killing actual living, gurgling, bouncing babies on an industrial scale –and it barely makes the papers.

I was catching up on the news just now online and I came across an article about a back alley "doctor" named Kermit Gosnell, who has been charged with 7 counts of first-degree-murder stemming from him killing 7 viable unborn babies. He ran a back alley abortion clinic in Pennsylvania, with untrained, medical assistants that he hired off the street with no education in the medical field. He performed botched abortions past the 24 week cutoff for "legal" abortion. If the baby was born alive, he would stab the back of the neck, with scissors, and sever the babys spine, thus killing the baby. I use the word "legally" very loosely as I believe all abortions, these barbaric procedures, should be outlawed and any form of abortion should be illegal! THIS is the form of abortion I'm talking about! Blatant, heartless abortion for the hell of it! NOT, "I found out, through ultrasound, that my baby has no brain or terminal birth defects, and my doctor gave me the option to INDUCE labor or wait until my body goes into labor naturally." This is NOT AN ABORTION!

Another thing that upsets me about this man, other than the fact that he was blatantly and heartlessly killing innocent babies, is that the Pennsylvania Health Department stopped doing routine inspections on the unprofessional business he was running. Scaring women out of filing complaints by telling them they would be required to reveal their identity and testify in court! In 1998, a 15 year old girl goes to.his clinic, Women's Medical Society to have an abortion. She decided that she couldn't go through with it and this enraged Gosnell! He then preceded to hold this girl down, rip her clothes off and drug her, while yelling "this is the same care I'd treat my own daughter with"! She woke up THREE DAYS LATER, in her aunts apartment, NO LONGER PREGNANT!! 

One of the "doctors" unqualified medical assistant testifies in court and admits to cutting the spines of atleast TEN viable babies!! What kind of sick, macbre world do we live in that makes it ok to stab a baby in the neck and cut his/her spine to kill it?!

Her testimony:

Medical assistant Adrienne Moton admitted Tuesday that she had cut the necks of at least 10 babies after they were delivered, as Gosnell had instructed her. Gosnell and another employee regularly “snipped” the spines “to ensure fetal demise,” she said.

Moton sobbed as she recalled taking a cellphone photograph of one baby because he was bigger than any she had seen aborted before. She measured the fetus at nearly 30 weeks, and thought he could have survived, given his size and pinkish color. Gosnell later joked that the baby was so big he could have walked to the bus stop, she said.

Now, when asked in court if he understood the charges that were being brought against him, he replied that he "understood the first charge (third degree murder of a 41 year old woman who died as a result of an accidental drug overdose after a botched abortion in his clinic) but not the seven counts involving the babies. In his mind, he'd done nothing wrong. It was a simple case of finishing what he'd started: an abortion. But if I'm not mistaken (said jokingly), abortions are performed inutero, and if a baby is born alive during an abortion, measures have to be taken to keep the baby ALIVE, not stab it in the neck to "finish the job"!!

What kind of world are we living in when it's socially and legally acceptable to perform a procedure so grotesque on a living, breathing human being!? Which brings me to my next question: since it's "ok" to kill an infant in such a horrible way, why stop there? Why not let anyone kill their children at any age and then pat them on the back for doing it because they are simply "tired of being a parent"? Why not set up a "Safe Haven" box outside the abortion clinic and allow parents everywhere to bring their babies by, stick them in the box, ring the little bell and leave? Leaving your OWN CHILD to be killed in a horrible, painful way!! And how is it that this happened TWO YEARS AGO and I'm just hearing about it?! Everytime someone is busted selling drugs, it's all over the news. But the death of possibly thousands of babies in grotesque and barbaric ways is barely talked about!

The lawyers keep emphasizing that he's not on trial for performing abortions but for killing 7 living babies. To me, there's no difference! Someone on an anti-abortion page made a comment that rocked me to my very soul: "A fetus isn't a baby until it takes it's first breath". REALLY?! So that little "ball of cells", that has a HEARTBEAT by the way, isn't a person? We were all once just a "clump of cells" does that make us "not a real person" as well? People say, "the baby can't feel pain so who cares?" A doctor who specializes in premature birth testified:

Dr. Conway testified that even premature babies, born in the second trimester, feel pain. He said doctors define them as "born alive" if there is a heartbeat. At that point, he said, they are treated as patients and, at a minimum, kept comfortable, even if they are deemed too young to survive.

So, if a baby born in the second trimester can feel pain, than a baby can feel pain at any gestational age! Who are we to say a baby can't feel pain? No one knows for sure and so every situation should be treated as if the baby CAN feel pain! One abortion procedure involves pouring acid on the babys body and literally burning it's skin off! If you think a baby don't feel that than YOU ARE CRAZY! That kind of abortion procedure is performed during late abortion.

In closing, abortion is the most inhuman, barbaric procedure ever invented by a human being! I'd love to meet the jackass that come up with the idea of ripping a baby, from limb to limb, out of the womb, through a vacuum!! Everyone has to stand before the Lord one day and be judge for their wrongdoing! I would hate to be an abortionist on that day!!

Lord, hold all the tiny babies who've been taken by this grotesque "procedure", safely in your arms!! Show no mercy for this horrible man and the people that helped him rob these babies of their precious lives!

The picture below is the devil incarnate: Kermit Gosnell

Letting him go for good..

Less than a week after I let Jeremy come back home, my feelings began to change. He had been gone for nearly eight months and I'd gotten used to doing everything in my own. During this eight months, me and my friend Amanda had began going out some on the weekends. We especially loved to go listen to a good friends band play. It was a Saturday night and the band was playing at a nearby bar. It was to be their final show and I didn't want to miss it. Jeremy didn't want me to go but ultimately I decided I didn't care what he wanted! I went anyway!

That night, everyone kept asking me why I let him come back home. And I couldn't think of any reason why I had! Which made me realize, maybe I didn't want him there after all that maybe the whole reason I let him come back was to prove to his whore, Amanda, that she was no different than me! That he would leave her at any given time as well. I had proven that point so maybe it was time to bow out, once and for all! I though maybe I could have my happy family back. But this time was different than the others for one reason: GAVIN! When Jeremy left me this time, he left our son too! He chose a woman he'd only known for a month over our son. I had to watch my 15 month old son screaming for his daddy the night he left. I had to watch Gavin crying for his daddy the night I caught him with Amanda in Walmart, as he walked right by Gavin like he didn't know him! Screw me over if you want but don't mess with my kids! He'd hurt our son and to me, that was the deal breaker! They say "forgive and forget" but without one the other is completely void! And it was clear, I couldn't forgive nor forget that he had done this to us! I say just Gavin because I was pregnant with Kenadi when Jeremy left. I know he left her too but she didn't witness it therefore she is completely unaffected by this happening. Gavin wasn't unaffected. Though, in terms of long term affects, of course now he doesn't remember it happening, which is good, I suppose. But it doesn't stop him from asking me now why doesn't his daddy have anything to do with him. I feel as though Kenadi doesn't even have a daddy as he's never actively participated in her life!

Anyway, when I got home from my night out that Saturday, Jeremy was asleep on the couch. I tried waking him up to no avail. So, I went to bed. The next day, I told him he had to go. I told him I'd made a huge mistake letting him come back because too much time had passed and I'd been burned by him one too many times.

Little did I know, he'd already made his plans to go back to Amanda. She came and picked him up. The next day, I looked my cell phone bill up online and seen where he'd spent all night Saturday, while I was gone, talking to Amanda on my phone! After this happened, we didn't speak for a couple weeks. I still hadn't gone back to work since I had had Kenadi. The job I had when I went out on maternity leave, didn't hold my job. Instead, my boss offered me another position in which I'd make ALOT less than I did before. I wouldn't have been able to live off the job and raise two babies, whom were both still in diapers at this time. So, I had to find a new job. At this time, I had gotten what was called "Emergency Assistance"from my local social services. They had paid all my bills up until August 2007. So, I hit the trail looking for a job because the time was coming when I was going to have to start paying my bills again.

Walmart called me at the last minute and I was hired to work in the jewelry department same as when I lived in Farmville.

Things seemed to be back on track for me until December 2007 when, unbeknownst to me, a psycho walked into my life. And things took a turn for the worse........

Be gone! Before someone drops a house on you!

I want to vent a little bit about some things that I've seen over the past few days.

First off, a few days ago, a friend of mine that I met on my pregnancy loss facebook page, sent me an inbox message that had a link to a disturbing page. She asked me to report this page, so I clicked on the link and what I seen was truly disturbing! The page was called "Funny stuff about Dead babies". And on this page this person was stealing peoples photos of their angel babies and putting obscene things on the photos. For example, on one, he drew a penis going into the babys mouth. Now, this is horrible on so many levels but it still doesn't shock me as I've seen it too many times! Losers that want attention go to great lengths to get it. But I'm here to tell these losers, there's better ways to get attention! No, what was shocking was when I reported it to facebook, they sent back an Email saying they investigated the page and come to the conclusion that no rules or terms were violated by this page!

This makes me absolutely LIVID!! REALLY, FACEBOOK?! It doesn't violate anything? Well, how about the parents of these beautiful babies? How about the privacy he's violated by stealing other users photos? What about these precious babies he's violating by drawing penises on their faces?! It's ok to do this to an angel babys photo but yet I've heard of mothers who've been asked to take down breastfeeding photos by facebook. And if they weren't removed, facebook removed them! Also, I know a few angel mothers whose photos of their angels were removed by facebook for "offending" other users! This is just appalling to me! You have a choice to make with every click on the internet. If these pictures bother you, the answer is very simple: DON'T LOOK AT THEM! But don't report a photo of our angels as "offensive"! Let us have our memories in peace! To us, our angels are treated as if they were still living! We celebrate them and show them off because we are proud to be their parents! Don't rob us, in very unjustly ways, of the innocence that is our babies! We have enough grief and heartache without adding to it! Leave us be! We show these photos off because it's all we have left of our angels! And we shouldn't have to remove them or worry about some low life, pathetic asshole stealing them and violating them! GET A FREAKING LIFE, ALREADY! There are thousands upon thousands of facebook pages dedicate only to drama, go to one of those and stay off of our support pages!

Which leads me to the second thing that's bothering me: rude comments by complete strangers. I've heard things like "I don't understand why you talk about a baby that's dead" Here's the thing: it's not for you to understand! If you're not in the baby loss club then you'll never understand the yearn that we have as angel parents to have back the baby we never got to bring home! All the shattered, broken dreams that died when our babies died! A piece of out heart died with our angels! How dare anyone get offended over us talking about our angels!

Which raises the age old saying: some things are better left UNSAID!

Now, "be gone! Before someone drops a house on you!!"

My stupid mistake!

Continuing my story from when Kenadi was sick at four weeks old. So, while I was in the hospital with Kenadi, Jeremy refused to come stay or even come see her! She was so tiny and sick and I felt so very bad for her. It was such a helpless feeling because I couldn't take it away from her!

We spent two nights in the hospital and then we were released. I was to give Kenadi two different prescription medicines. One for acid reflux and the other to help get her formula to her stomach. I also had to add cereal to her formula to thicken it and help her put weight on.

Jeremy and I continued arguing, mainly because I didn't want to leave Gavin & Kenadi with him and his girlfriend. I didn't know anything about her and what I did know, I hated! Plus, my infant baby didn't need to be around another woman trying to be her mother! Alot of my hate stemmed from her being a part of breaking my family up. Don't get me wrong, I didn't just blame her but she knew about me. She knew he was married and his wife was 5 months pregnant and had an 18 month old son at home! What kind of woman does that!? I hated her with a passion that almost scared me!

After time began to pass, I finally accepted the fact that Jeremy and I were truly over this time. He wouldn't be coming back and I needed to move on. For a while I would let him get Gavin & Kenadi but on my terms! I wanted him doing everything for Kenadi. Changing her diapers, feeding her and giving her meds and a bath. I didn't want Amanda doing any of these things! A few months later, Jeremy was having to attend anger management classes because of the assault and battery charges on me and Gavin. I began taking him because his lovely girlfriends car was broke down. He began talking about coming back home. See, by this time, I had gotten used to doing whatever I wanted to do! So I wasn't sure I wanted him back. Plus, everything he'd put me through I just couldn't forgive him! But, after a while, we began sleeping together again. He spent more time at my house than he did at home! And I can't lie, I missed him, very much! But, I didn't know if I missed him bad enough to take him back. After thinking about it for around a week, I decided I would let him come back home.

He made a plan to wait (as he ALWAYS did) until Amanda left for work and move out. Keep in mind, that's how he always did me! He'd wait until I was gone to pack up & move! I think part if me just wanted to prove to Amanda that I could get him back. I had spent months listening to her say if I'd taken care of my man I wouldn't have lost him! And I kept telling her she was an idiot if she thought he wouldn't do it to her as well! He had already been cheating on her with me. So, of course, when she got him, he was gone. She immediately began calling my house and I refused to let her talk to him. Instead, I said, "if you'd taken care of him, maybe he'd still be with you!" And, oh, did it feel good to say that to her!! She'd come to my house if we were gone and leave notes for him on my door.

The only problem was, during the 7 months we'd been split up, I'd fallen way out of love with him. And I knew as soon as I let him come back that I really didn't want him there. As I said, I kind of just wanted to prove a point. But things were not the same with him at all. And a week in, it was time to make a change...

(The photos below are of Kenadi and Gavin through her first year. She caught her weight up quick :)

Making a difference!

Hello Everyone!

I haven't blogged in quite some time but I've been doing my part to make a difference! Leanne at Aching Arms asked me to take over sending teddy bears to bereaved parents in the US. By doing this, it allows shipping and postage to remain free for everyone! I've also made a Facebook page dedicated to keeping our angels memory alive.

As most of you know, on March 20th it will be 9 years since my first baby, a girl, Kaylea Blair, was stillborn at 27 weeks gestation. When this happened, I was incredibly sick and as a result, was drugged out of my mind! As the years go by, I live in fear of her memory fading away. You see, I hadn't known anyone who'd had a stillborn baby and therefore, didn't know my options for what to do. Instead, I was left with 3 Polaroid photos that fade more and more each day, I didn't get to bathe my baby and she was buried wrapped in a Peter Rabbit blanket. And, don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for these things as a lot of angel parents don't get these things! But it is not enough! We shouldn't be robbed of these precious memories, albeit milestones, just because our babies were born forever sleeping!

The doctor wasn't compassionate about this and didn't tell me anything I could do. Doctors need to educate patients and make them aware that things can go wrong during pregnancy. And not every pregnancy ends with a healthy baby. As alot of the time people are unaware of the things that go wrong and causes their babies to go, far too soon! When you give birth to an angel baby, all the memories you can make have to be made soon.

You see, we don't get to bring our babies home to begin making a lifetime of memories! Our memories of our angels are confined to a hospital room. So, we need to know every single thing we can do to capture our angels in a way they will never be forgotten! Things every parent wants to experience with their child: first picture, first bath an outfit to wear home from the hospital. We, as angel parents, should get to experience these 'firsts' as well! We should get a million photos of our angels, get to bathe our angels, put a beautiful outfit on his/her for the pictures! But, unfortunately, we are not told our options and a lot of us are left with sadness and regret. And alot of coulda, woulda, shoulda!

I've made it my goal to try as hard as I can to make keepsakes in memory of our angels! If there's anything I know, it's the importance of keepsakes for our angels. We become the voice they never had and if we don't speak for our children then who's left to speak for them? No one. They become a whisper in the wind and forgotten! As if they never existed! Not while I'm alive and breathing! ALL BABIES MATTER!!

In the words of Dr. Seuss: A PERSONS A PERSON, NO MATTER HOW SMALL!!

So, if you've stumbled upon my blog or if you read it everyday, please, feel free to join me on Facebook as I work everyday to keep our angels memory alive!!

Below are some of the graphics I've made in memory of angels gone FAR TOO SOON!

Disclaimer: The graphics below belong to Stillbirth And Pregnancy Loss Awareness™. Please do not alter or change the graphics without consent from the owner.
~Landen Thadius, son of Shelby Shepard
~Jamie Wilson, baby of Sheila Wilson
~Michaela Jane, daughter of Kellie Brocco
~James Collins Fitts, Jr., son of Gale Fitts
~Reita Gale, daughter of Gale Fitts
~Scarlett Rose, daughter of Cat Swift
~Mezeker Mylove, daughter of Diamond Rowland
~Kaylea Blair, daughter of Toni Todt :)
~Baby Huerta, baby of Brandy Huerta
~Daisy Leah Nicole, daughter of Shannon Cain