Right after Doug passed away, his family came here, took his beautiful body, cremated him, and wouldn't allow me, Gavin or Kenadi to attend his service. This was wrong on SO MANY LEVELS!! I've never in my life met such slimey, conniving, vindictive people in my life! You may hate me (for lame stupid reasons), but you put that aside & let us say goodbye to the man we love in a proper way. You don't act like childish, selfish assholes!
Anyway, they swept Doug under a rug, much as they did when he was living. Didn't put an obituary in the paper, no service for his friends and REAL family to come to. I put an obituary in the local paper here for him since they didn't think enough of him to do so when he passed away! In the obituary, we only mentioned me, our kids & my mama. I did this, not out of spite for them, but because that is the way Doug wanted it written! So, April 17th, was Doug's birthday. And I still have his phone turned on. And Facebook notifications were popping up so I thought let me see all the posts for his birthday. Of course, his sister, Tosha, had posted a Happy Birthday post for him. And lo and behold, an obituary!! Ok, a few weeks ago, she sent me a text saying, 'what's this I hear about you only mentioning you & your kids in my brothers obituary? How could you?' Ok, firstly, how could YOU take him from us & not include us in anything!? I think you should already know the answer to that stupid ass question!! I get that you're mad at me for buying his alcohol or taking him to the store. But, You had just as much a part in him drinking as I did!
So, here it is, Tosha, since you got on Instagram running off at the mouth, here you go, here's the truth for you:
Firstly, You are claiming you're so mad at me because I purchased his alcohol, or I took him to the store. As if THAT is the only reason he was with me & that's what killed him. Ok, here's the problem with that. You knew I bought it & gave him rides when he was living. I didn't 'give him rides', WE LIVED TOGETHER! So, why did you still talk to me then?? Why, now that he's gone, are you suddenly mad about that??! Mad to the point of doing what you are now. You said he didn't want to live with you because you wouldn't allow him to drink. Yet, you came home, SO MANY times, and found him wasted, and you still continued to allow him to live with you. And when you would come home & find him drunk, and he would want me to lie & say he hadn't been drinking, which I didn't do, you would say to him, "don't drag Toni into this! This isn't her fault! This is between you & me!" So, again, why is it my fault now that he's gone?? You knew EVERYTHING because I told you, confided in you! Now, you're only choosing to tell bits and pieces of the ACTUAL story! Well, you continue to lie, I'll continue telling the truth! You only told people I bought his alcohol. You didn't tell them about the countless fights. The begging him not to drink. You didn't tell them how he would take my keys, tear my stuff up, take my medication & hide it from me. You remember that morning you came home from work & we were still up from the night before, arguing, because I had 3 Suboxone missing? You told me, 'he's lying. He has them. I know when my brother is lying.' No, you didn't tell them any of that! Just acted like I had a bottle waiting everyday for him. How many fucking times did I call you when he was doing these things!!?? And beg you to come pick him up?? But, wait. What was your answer to that? Oh, yes, TAKE HIM TO A HOMELESS SHELTER. CALL THE COPS ON HIM! OR RANDY IS COMING OVER. You sat in our living room and told him he couldn't live with you anymore, ever. You told me & him you were trying to get your daughter back & baby daddy didn't like Doug because he drank. You said you wouldn't compromise that for Doug. And I don't blame you for that. (By the way, the day Doug died, you used his death & went to where your daughter lives & got her. Doug would've been so pissed off! You hadn't seen her in years! They wouldn't even let you anywhere near her. Yet you used your brothers death to get her that day!! Told them you needed her. Doug & I talked about that a lot as well! The Sunday before he died, he was talking about it. He said step mom was a saint compared to you. And that you would never get her back. I got mad at him for saying that about you! I know you won't believe it, but yes, it's so very true! And that wouldn't have gone so smoothly had Doug been living & you couldn't use his death to get her!) So, don't act like you were just this loving, caring sister now that he's no longer here!! I'm so sick of it! Doug would tell me he'd rather go to jail then live with his sister again. No, not because you wouldn't let him drink. Because, I mean, he can't drink in jail either! And let's face it, you DID let him drink! By saying you'd kick him out, but you never did! Every bottle you would find, and NOT POUR THEM OUT, instead you'd write a note on it & put it in the freezer for him, every time you'd come home & find him wasted. Never kicked him out. You even told him one time, when he wont allowed here at my house, that you knew my mom wouldn't let him be homeless if you kicked him out. So what stopped you? Big talker? It won't because he had nowhere else to go. You were JUST LIKE ME! You couldn't kick him out because you loved him. Just as I did. Even knowing he was still drinking in your house! Drinking around your son when I would babysit him. (You told your mom that I cuss at my kids & around my kids. But have you EVER seen me slap either of them in the mouth? As you done to Noah, SEVERAL times! And, as I recall, you cuss just as much as I do around your son! Don't act like you're mother of the year because you're FAR FROM IT!) So don't act all big & bad now like you didn't allow him to drink, BECAUSE YOU DID! Just because you didn't walk into the store & buy it for him, don't mean you didn't allow it to happen! You say he was only with me because I let him drink. He was a 27 year old GROWN ASS MAN! I think you learned, he would find a way to get alcohol! So, tell me. When he moved back in with you last July, where he had internet access, phone access, why didn't he just break up with me then? We'd only been together a few months. He could've cut his ties then, come to your house & found him a skank to buy him alcohol, as he did in the past. So, why didn't he do it, Tosha?? Because he loved me & he loved the kids! That's why! The first night he had to spend there, alone, YOU sent me a text telling me he hadn't left his room all day. You said he looked like a sad little puppy dog. So, you told him me & the kids could come over & suddenly he got happy! I remember that day, like it was yesterday. Oh, wait, I guess it happened because he wanted to drink, huh? Not because he loved us? Nope. He had alcohol that day. He said he couldn't be there & deal with you unless he was drunk. You & your 'holier then thou' fucking attitude. You can drink, smoke weed, because you work & pay your bills, right? (Hardly! Since you were constantly behind on everything with a $500 Comcast bill in Doug's name! You wander why he wanted your satellite cut off!! The only thing left to do now is finish the identity theft process for DirecTV where you had your boyfriend call & pretend to be Doug & have it hooked up in his name. Doug didn't want you running yet another bill up in his name. He told me the day before he died to call & have it cut off. I'm only doing what HE wanted!) That's what you would say to us. You expected him to not drink at your house. Except you would buy wine & leave it in the fridge right in front of him. You & whatever man you were with would bring liquor in & leave it sitting in front of him. How did you expect him to not drink in that environment?? I remember one incident when Doug had quit drinking for a few weeks, after the window was busted in your kitchen. You & Devon (I think that was his name) brought a bottle of tequila in the house & left it the next day, when you went to work. Doug seen it & said, 'she don't want me to drink, but she does this!' I said just leave it alone. You had left it in your room & we had done your laundry & he went to put the laundry on your bed & seen it. You quite sure YOU don't have a drinking problem?? So, please don't act like you had no part in him drinking! That's the difference between you & I. Even though I know all of this, I never blame you for a grown man drinking. I'm not that stupid! I know he's going to do what he wants. It's not easy to quit cold turkey! The sickness that comes after you quit. A sickness you can actually DIE from! You have no fucking idea! You think he ever quit drinking while he was living with you?!? NOPE. He told me himself that he was only sober for 3 months when he lived in Radford one time & was going to AA meetings. I said Tosha compares everything to when you first moved in with her. She said you were sober a month until you got cable & had Internet & could find someone to take you to the store. I said I can probably guarantee you weren't sober then. He said, I won't! I just hid it well. I would drink enough to where she wouldn't know it. You are so naïve!! And you never knew as much as you thought you did! Ever! I don't understand how things could be ok while he was living, but now that he's gone, you turn on me like you have! Because you are, just as he said you were, "a hypocritical, ghetto ass bitch that thinks she does no wrong!" You are a child. You can't talk like an adult does. Hey, we're grown ups & at some point, you have to start acting like it. We're not in high school anymore.
Now, this obituary you put in the paper. I know it didn't come out yesterday. I'm not stupid! My point is, you waited until you knew I had put one in the paper & only mentioned His REAL family & not any of you. You said in this obituary, written for an 18 year old kid, (nice TEN year old photo!) that he loved family gatherings. Umm, the year we were together, not one family gathering was attended. Only your Christmas 'gathering' that he didn't want to go to anyway (unless I was coming). I called you & told you he didn't want to come. He wanted to come with me. Only after I told him for an hour he had to go, and you threatened to take his presents back (which he didn't care anyway. A fucking pair of pajama pants!), did he go. Then, while there, he sat on Facebook begging me to hurry up & come get him. (Screenshots below)
Screenshots of inbox messages on Facebook. Doug began messaging me before I could get up the road from dropping him off at his sisters house. 'All alone with these ghetto fucks!' That's the term of endearment to which he ALWAYS referred to his sister as! (The messages in the white boxes are from Doug)
Again, you'll say, very ignorantly, that it's because I had his liquor. Again, not so. He had to drink to even be around you & your friends. We went to the ABC store before we came to your house. He bought the $9 bottle & poured it into two empty $4 bottles so it would be small. You spent most of the time at your friends house across the trailer park cooking. So, he had ample opportunity to drink. And he did. He still had some left when I got there to get him. So, no, not so he could drink. But because he DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE! (He told me, after I picked him up, that he felt uncomfortable & out of place) Again, something you knew BEFORE he died! So, again, don't act like you didn't know these things about him or that I'm lying because you know I'm not! I have no reason to lie! I gain nothing from it! You thanked me for putting his obituary in the paper, via text message, on March 22nd. I did not answer you because I didn't need a thank you. It's what should've been done in the first place. And, clearly, you hadn't read it yet. Only knew because YOU were stalking MY Facebook page & seen it in a post. I had you blocked so one of your friends seen it & told you. You constantly say that just because I have you blocked, don't mean you can't see what I'm posting. Only if you TRY and see what I'm posting by having your friends stalk & creep my page. That's really stalking when you have your friends/crazy ass family stalk my page. You see it on Doug's page because I WANT YOU TO SEE IT! If I didn't want you to see it, I wouldn't tag Doug in it or post it, period! You mentioned how Doug loved to draw & his most recent drawings were a Spider-Man drawn for his nephew & one of a past home. Something else you wouldn't have know had you not seen it on my Facebook page! I framed all of his drawings at his service I held for him. You seen the photo of it on Facebook but failed to mention the rest of them I know you saw! Oh, because those were involving me. And you couldn't stand that! The Spider-Man was almost a year ago for Noah's birthday party. And my name is on the bottom of that (which I'm sure you've erased by now) because he drew it & I colored it. He had a lot of recent drawings but you all would know that had you been in his life. But, unfortunately, you were not, including YOU! You talked to ME everyday, not Doug. You would message him on Facebook & get no response. Because he didn't want to talk to you. You, like the rest of your sorry family, constantly pointing out everything he was doing WRONG. Never what he was doing right. Who wants to hear that all the time!? (And he was doing things right! He had finally started going to work & trying to do better! Just because he drank the night before he passed, don't mean he won't trying! He'd go two or three days & not drink at all!) I can't take any of this anymore! I know he probably did like family shit before he became an alcoholic! Then again, several people have told me since he died that he was always arguing with your mom! I've heard she was overbearing, and what she says went, and that was it! I've heard from several friends of Dougs how these arguments have been going on for years! Not just since he began drinking! Which Doug himself told me that as well. And YOU told me too! All I know is what I've been told by him & you in the past almost year. I haven't twisted anything. I've told it as it was told to me. (Including EVERYTHING I told Larry when I replied to his pathetic message from a page he made for the sole purpose of sending me a message!) Everything in that obituary was bullshit! I knew you wouldn't mention us as that's a given. You're all just THAT sorry! Doug would be so pissed off about that!! And you KNOW IT! That's what's so sad about this too. You know Doug would've wanted us there! He ALWAYS wanted me with him! Y'all are remembering someone he wasn't anymore. I don't care if he did quit drinking, addiction changes you in every way! He would've NEVER been that person again. Ever. Who in the world is the same person they were at 18 anyway? Addiction or not!! I mean you put his high school senior picture in the paper, a ten year old photo!! What is that!?!? That's the only photo any of you have used in remembering him! He wasn't 18 years old! You use a current photo! He don't even look the same! So sad that none of you even had a current photo. Or were you just too ashamed to use one? "Oh God, he might have been drinking when he took this photo or that photo." Too ashamed of who he was that you had to do that? I had several beautiful photos of his big beautiful smile! If he was so unhappy, it would've shown! I wrote Doug's obituary the way HE wanted it written! We talked about more then you think. Even though I have no idea why you would think any different! After all, he was my (future) husband. Doug & I were married in every sense. All we were missing was the paper. He was my husband, my Doug Williams & I was his wife, his Toni Williams. It don't matter what all of you think you know. I'm sick of this bullshit of Doug not really loving me. Tosha, you told me yourself that at you thought at first, he was only with me to drink. But then you seen that he really loved me. So, I ask again, why are things different now that he's gone?? You said he & you had a conversation one time about how Doug didn't want kids, didn't like kids. But then, after he was with me a while & was helping me with Gavin & Kenadi, he said it made him sad that I couldn't have anymore kids. You told me that in front of Doug! You are telling quite a bit of lies now that he's gone! When he was living, you claim you took up for me. But you wouldn't of had to take up for me had you not been running your big ass mouth, telling all of our business to your bitch ass mama! You were stabbing backs BEFORE Doug ever even died! Mine AND Doug's backs! Your mom had absolutely NO REASON not to like me until you started telling her every single thing I ever told you! You said she made a comment once that I had to be on drugs to "put up with Doug drinking." She should be glad that her son spent his last year SURROUNDED by love, everyday! UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! Not, "we'll only talk to you if you don't drink. And you live your life the way WE think you should" Had it not been for me, he probably would've died in someone's home he was forced to live in because all of you turned your backs on him! Like the homes where he had to sleep on the floor! Like so many places where he's lived in the past couple years. I gave Doug a family, stability. If your mom cared so fucking much, why, when you would walk in our home talking to her on your phone, (and you would tell her, 'I'm at Doug's') did she never, NOT ONCE, even ask or try to talk to Doug?? Holidays passed without a word from any of them!? And yes, he did look at me while he was in the hospital & say, "I wander what my mom would do if she knew I was here?" But I asked him, "do you want me to tell her? I can send her a Facebook message." But he said "HELL NO DON'T TELL HER! I don't want any of them here! They don't care anyway!" And not because you'd tell them he was an alcoholic! (Which I DID end up telling them! You never let me tell you the whole story about the hospital visit! & had I followed Doug's wishes, I wouldn't have called you when he died! I was told very specifically, when I told him you were mad at me for not telling you he was in the hospital, "not to call that bitch if he did die" Because I told him exactly what I told you, "had they told me he was dying, of course I would've called you!") You all showed him that you did not care! And if you did, you had a hell of a way of showing it! I get it. Your mom & 'family', tried helping him. She sent him to detox & rehab. I KNOW SHE DID! So, there's no need to keep telling me that! But when it didn't work, she shouldn't have cut off ALL CONTACT with him! If anything, that only makes it worse! She could've cut him off financially & stopped helping him, enabling him in that way. But not emotionally! So, don't get upset at me because I did the opposite! I still thought Doug had it in him to quit. I didn't want to give up hope for him. And I never did! I stuck by him until the bitter end! You made the comment, after your mom sent him the message on Thanksgiving telling him she hoped he could "find something to be thankful for", that he had a lot to be thankful for. He had a family, me, & the kids! And Doug said the same thing! So, I'm finding it hard to believe that everything is my fault, now that he's gone! And, for the record, he absolutely DID tell my mama, crying a week before he died, he looked at her & said, "I love Toni. I love Gavin & Kenadi. And I'm going to marry her & be a good daddy to the kids. And believe it or not, I love you, more then I do my own mom." You have no idea what happened the last month of his life! He & mama had began to get along & grew to love one another! She gave him a chance. She seen how wonderful he was to the kids & how much they loved him & he loved them. She seen him putting forth an effort. And that's all that mattered to her. Yes, you did hear us say things about my mom out of anger, but I heard you say PLENTY about your mom too! After he told her that, he said, "I'm just sick right now." And he was sick! And he thought he had no one in the world but us. You asked me how I could say that to a mother who just lost her baby. How can they say half of what they have to ME!? When I did answer her EVIL, HATEFUL message, I was nice to her! I told her several times that I was sorry she lost her son! I'm supposed to just overlook her hurtful words because she lost her son!? Take a page from your own book! 'You're not the only one that lost Doug!' WE lost him too!! I don't deserve to have hurtful things, LIES, said to me out of guilt & jealously! What I said was the TRUTH! Words straight from Doug's mouth! As Larry said to me, 'I'm sorry the truth hurts!' The truth only hurts if it's indeed true. Nothing he said was true! That's why that hurt your mom so much. Because, deep down, she knows it's true! Deep down, you all know what I'm saying is true! You just can't admit it. That's why you are stuck on the same stupid shit & can't think of anything else to say except, 'you bought him alcohol. You took him to the store.' That's why you're lashing out at me as you're doing. But look in the mirror before you continue doing the same tired stuff everyday. You're only making yourselves look so very pathetic! Everyone can see it BUT you! EVERYONE says the same thing about all of you: you feel so guilty because Of the way you treated him while he was living, that you're lashing out at me. You resent me & innocent children because we spent his last year living with him. And you have no idea how it was spent. That's YOUR fault, NOT MINE!! You have no idea what you've done by not allowing us to attend his service & you don't care. That's what's so sad! You robbed us of part of the grieving process! Did you even consider the fact that our children saw Doug AFTER he died!? That they watched me helplessly try & wake him up!? THEY WERE HERE! No, you don't care! This could've gone so differently! Then you had the audacity to bitch to me about you having to pay $900 for his cremation! And how Tyler gave you $500 of it back! Yet, when you came here the morning he died, you stood in our yard & said to us, "money is no object to us! I'm sure my uncle will pay for everything." We were telling you about Colbert Moran funeral home & how wonderful they are. I had $5000 that day! We could've helped. Paid for everything & gave him the funeral he fucking DESERVED! When you asked me if I had any nice clothes for him to be buried in, I said I'd buy him something. And you said, "no. Our mom should do that." WHY SHOULD SHE!? And when you first arrived, acting just as ghetto as ever, you were on the phone with your mom & we heard her say, "what's gonna happen to my son now?" I think it was a bit late to be asking that question! Maybe she should've cared a bit more when he was living! That way she wouldn't feel so much guilt now! You told her you had to go because you had to identify his body! SUCH BULLSHIT! You ASKED if you could see his body! You did NOT have to identify it!!! He lived here! I knew EVERYTHING about him & had already told them BEFORE you got here! I gave them his full name, social security number, birthday, address, phone number. You were called because they needed a funeral home to come get his body! NOT TO IDENTIFY HIS BODY! You didn't even have to come here! But no you had to put on a show! Do you even know how ignorant you sounded telling them it was my fault he was dead!? As if I killed him! Jesus Christ, you are ignorant! You told me, while stalking me on Instagram, that you "told me to keep your families name out of my trashy mouth." TRASHY!? Really!!?? The only trash I've seen is you! Let's not even talk about trash because I could go on & on about that!
I understand now, more then I EVER did why Doug didn't talk to any of you! Every message I've received from you crazy people have just been constantly been putting him down. Almost making fun of him. "He went from job to job. No car. Drank everyday. Lived with any girl that would let him drink. Why would you even allow an alcoholic like him around your children?" Like that's all there was to him! Doug was amazing in EVERY WAY! No matter how many arguments we had, no matter what happened between us, we stayed together because we loved one another. I'm sorry that you've never felt a love like that! A love that can move mountains! A love that always felt new! I have all the proof I need that Doug loved me! And he loved Gavin & Kenadi. He thanked me everyday for giving him a family! He told me everyday how obsessed he was with me & how much he loved me! Example below.
"It's unbelievable cuz I didn't think it was possible but yes I'm soooo obsessed and in love with you."
I feel sorry for all of you! It can't be easy living with all the guilt, jealousy & resentment that you all feel! I'm so glad I harbor none of those feelings! I have no reason to. I never abandoned him when he needed me! He told me that was part of the reason he loved me. Because no matter how bad things could get, I never, EVER left him!
So, this is absolutely it for me! I've blocked all of you from every single social media site. I blocked you from calling and texting me. Stop making Facebook pages just to send me messages. Stop getting on Instagram & stalking me. Back the fuck off of me with your lame ass blame game. Women & man up. Take your part in his death while you're blaming me everyday. No one walks on water around here! None of you are perfect! None of you are 'Godly'. If you were, you'd see that all of you have done me & my kids sorry & just plain wrong! All of you are exactly how Doug told me you were! Hypocritical, judgmental, ASSHOLES! I made a few bad decisions during our relationship. But I do not blame myself for him dying. Nothing that happened during our relationship is for you to understand. It's NONE of your business! It's between Doug & I. We know how we felt about one another. We didn't ask your opinion when he was living & we don't need it now! Get over yourselves! Quit doing things out of spite for me. Remember him because he deserves it! Remember him for who he was, not as an 18 year old boy or an alcoholic! He was a beautiful 27 year old man! He was fun, silly, beautiful, loving, romantic & just absolutely AMAZING!! In every single sense of the word! I no longer care what any of you think or say. You are the most ignorant bunch of people I've ever seen. You are childish, selfish & just horrible people! You are fake. Let this be 'your lesson learned from Doug's death:' don't wait until it's too late to care about your children or your family. Love them, have a relationship with them, no matter what their life choices are! Time gone cannot be returned! I'm so happy that I was blessed with the 11 months I got to spend with Doug!
And I'm done. The next message I receive from ANY of you, I will file harassment charges. Anything I've sent was a reply to messages sent to me FIRST. Haven't you done enough to me & my children!?!? Trust me, you could've stopped at not allowing us at his service. Gavin & Kenadi still ask why they couldn't come. They struggle daily with the pain of not having their daddy here! Let me end this by saying: imagine if our roles were switched & Doug & I had of been married. Imagine if I denied you the opportunity to say goodbye to your son, your brother, your nephew, your grandson (as I could have done but NEVER would have, because I'm not like any of you!). Imagine THAT!
