Here starts the rant......
I got on Facebook to post a photo & talk a little about how bad he is missed & how much he is still loved when I seen something that has truly pissed me the fuck off!! Of course some of his family members, most notably his sister, Latosha, had posted a thing of her own. In this post, she talked about missing him & how much she loved him, which is all fine & dandy, whatever. But on down into the post, she said a few things I'm very pissed about. First and foremost, she said 'one year ago today, I had to identify my brothers body.' THAT is such total & utter BULLSHIT!!! She made the same comment the day he passed away. When she arrived at our house, she was on the phone with her 'mother' and I heard her say, 'mom, I've gotta go. I've gotta identify his body.' Of course, I was way too caught up in my grief to say anything back then. You know, whatever makes her feel better. But now, a year later, she's still saying she had to identify his body & it's time to stop telling that fucking lie! I identified him! ME and ONLY ME. The absolute ONLY reason I was legally obligated to contact her, other then Doug & I not being married, was so she could call a funeral home to release his body to. I was standing there when the officer that was here that day told her that! Before she arrived, I had already given them his full name, birthday, social security number, address, phone number, medical history & any other info they needed to know about him! Not one single word of that was provided by her!! Never once did the officer even say to her, 'is this man your brother?' She was told she did not have to come to our house; all she had to do was call a funeral home to come pick his body up. She could've done that over the fucking phone! When she FINALLY arrived after we'd waited over an hour & a half for her to come, she ASKED if she could look at him, NO ONE told her to look, nor was she told or asked to identify his body! She was told yes she could see him, but not to touch him in any way. I wasn't told not to touch him!! But she was acting so ignorant, threatening to beat my ass, and acting a fucking fool, actually told an officer of the law that it was my fault he died because I bought his alcohol for him!! I mean WHAT THE FUCK, TOSHA?!?! Does she even know how ignorant she sounded AND looked having said that to an officer that knows that's the dumbest thing any human being has ever muttered!! Of course he paid absolutely NO ATTENTION to her saying that. Because any person with a tiny shred of intelligence knows you cannot blame someone's alcoholism on anyone but the alcoholic person! I've said it a million times before & I'll say it again, instead of placing all of the blame on me, take the blame for your own part in him drinking! Ignorant bunch of fools!!
Don't get me wrong, I didn't have any preconceived notions that today would be easy because I knew someone would post some kind of lie & piss me off! Or some kind of 'we love you so much' bullshit, when none of them bothered to tell him that when he was living! She also said at one point that she never got the chance to tell him how proud she was of him! REALLY?! Because ALL I ever heard was how disappointed you were of him for drinking. Quick to point out the flaws but not commenting on the things he was doing right! Like trying to stop. The reason for him being in the hospital the week before he passed away. He WAS TRYING no matter what any of those judgmental assholes think they know, he was trying.
Anyway, back to the point. Latosha did NOT have to identify Doug's body!! She viewed his body because she asked if she could!! It may sound petty that I'm so mad about this particular lie. However, I am the one that found him, me & our kids! I had the incredibly hard, painfully excruciating task of calling 911 in sheer panic while my kids stood there looking at Doug's body asking me why he won't wake up. I'm the one that went through the hardest part of the process, or so I thought at the time. And since day ONE, I've been treated as if I were no one to Doug but the girl that bought his fucking alcohol! Like I didn't even know him well enough to tell the officer who he was! I refuse to continue justifying mine & Doug's relationship to a bunch of ignorant fucks that wouldn't know real love if it sat on their faces!! No, what I'm mad about is this bullshit lie that she 'had to' identify his body!! As awful as it was, that moment belongs to me & my kids, no fucking body else!! Just like the last year of his life belongs to us. Unlike everyone else, we stuck by him until the bitter end! They may have ripped him from us after he died out of pure hatred, guilt & spite but I will be damned if they will take away my final moments with him & tell ridiculous lies for no fucking reason but to make themselves look & feel better!! Fuck that & fuck her!!! I don't get to, in his sisters words, pretend that Doug is off somewhere miles away living his life. I don't have that luxury! I found him & I relive that nightmare every single day when I wake up. Every single day! Their nightmare is my reality. It's easy for all of them to move on because they had nothing to do with him when he was living! Outta sight, outta mind, right?! All that 'love' that appeared only after he's gone. I'm sure he would've loved to know just how loved he was by his so-called 'family' while he was alive. I didn't do that though. I was with him everyday. All day.
I've spent the last year missing him & wanting him back, praying I would just wake up from an awful nightmare & he'd still be here. But it never happens. He's gone. Really gone. One year later, that pain is still very real. Though time has eased my suffering, the want, albeit NEED, to have him back never ceases. I can't do anything to bring him back now. But what I can do is call out the lies being told in my own defense & in Doug's defense. He would be so mad about everything that's been done to us. And had I followed HIS wishes, none of them would've been called when he passed away! The week before he died when we were talking about Tosha being so mad at me for not telling her he was in the hospital, he said to me, and I quote, "don't call that bitch if I do die!" The truth will set you free but first it's gonna piss you off!! A year ago, everyone in that horrid family said whatever they could to try & hurt me. But when I say the TRUTH, I get asked, 'how could you say that to a grieving mom? How could you say my brother hated me? How could you? How could you?!' It's easy. I'm telling the truth. Y'all are grasping at straws to try & convince me that Doug didn't really love me or that I'm the one that didn't really know Doug when you didn't know us as a couple. And the one of you that did know us, is just lying to herself! FUCKING PATHETIC!! No, I DO know the real Doug. You know the 18 year old Doug. Not the man he was when he passed away! Alcohol did NOT define him as a person! Dicks!!!
So, I'll let them carry on lying to themselves about what really happened. And I'll carry on telling the TRUTH! I will spend everyday defending him & us if I have to. This ends, today. I'm sick with grief still a year later. And they carry on as if nothing happened. How nice that must be!! I lived & breathed Doug. He was my entire life. I don't care if it was only for a year! That fact made it any easier to deal with. But the ones that knew him for 27 years are dealing with it better then the ones that only knew him 12 months! In what world is that normal?! Apparently in their world it's acceptable! Like I said, outta sight, outta mind!
Marily Monroe said it best: They'll only love you after you're gone.
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