Rules for the Third Annual Valentine's Day Card Exchange

Welcome to the Third Annual SBAPLA Valentine's Day Card Exchange Program! First, before you read any further, if you know you will not be able to purchase or make two Valentine's Day cards & two stamps, please do not join. If you can, please continue reading. Here I will explain how the program works & try & answer your questions.

**What you'll need to do:

To participate, as stated above, you'll need to purchase a minimum of two Valentine's Day cards & two postage stamps (if your names are within the states. If outside the states, you'll purchase six stamps, three for each card). You may ask for more than two names but each person is only required to send out two cards. GIFTS ARE NOT REQUIRED. You may send one but you do not have to. You can also make your cards. Some people find this cheaper, easier & more fun anyway. The addresses will be chosen & provided by me. If you would prefer not to receive religious cards, please specify this when you sign up. If you'd like to stay within your own country, please specify this as well. Please note, I'll try my best to honor that request, but it can't always be done. Especially if you're outside the states because most of the people that sign up are in the states.

**Sign ups & deadlines to have the cards sent out by:

Sign ups started on January 1, 2016. The deadline to sign up by will be Friday, January 15, 2016. I will begin emailing and/or inboxing the addresses to everyone on Monday, January 18,2016. If the names given to you are outside of your country, the cards must be mailed out by Monday, February 1, 2016. If they are within your own country, they must be mailed out by Friday, February 5, 2016. We want the cards to get there BEFORE Valentine's Day, NOT AFTER.

**If you haven't participated in any card exchanges of mine in the past:

If this is your first time participating in one of my card exchange programs, you'll need to either email me or inbox me on the fan page for the program. The link to the fan page is below. My email address is mamasbby84@aol.com.

Please send me the following info when you email me:

1. Your first & last name
2. Your mailing address with NO ABBREVIATIONS.
3. Your angels name (optional)

Also include, as stated above, if you would rather not receive religious cards. If it's too hurtful for your angels name to be on card, just don't include his/her name.

**If you have participated in past exchanges:

If you've participated in the past, all you have to do is tell me you'd like to join. I have all the addresses of everyone that's participated already. If your address has changed since the last exchange, please notify me via email or inbox message on Facebook.

**What happens if you need to drop out:

Dropping out IS acceptable. I know that things happen, oftentimes unexpectedly. If you find you need to drop out, please notify me so that I can give your names to someone else or pick them up myself. If you drop out & you do notify me, you WILL be allowed to join future programs. If you do NOT notify me, you'll be banned from all future programs. If you send me a message AFTER the deadline to have your cards out telling me you need to drop out, this will be unacceptable! If something happens after the deadline, that's no excuse. Because had you sent your cards out on time, this wouldn't effect anything. Please only join if you're serious about it. This is very important! We don't want to hurt an angel mothers feelings on an already difficult day. Any holiday can be difficult without our angel babies! Even Valentine's Day! 

**What is NOT acceptable:

E-Cards are NOT acceptable! Real cards are more personal and that's what's required for this program. 

**Facebook address for the fan page:

Please like the page for the card exchange program & visit it often. I will post updates & important info on the page. Also, sending me a photo of the cards you receive is greatly appreciated. I'll post the photo on the page as a thank you to the person that sent it. It would also be appreciated if you'd at least let me know when you've received your cards. 

Thank you to everyone that signs up! I hope you all enjoy the program! 

The link is www.facebook.com/HolidayCardExchange.

Reflections, 10 months later

Today it was 10 months since our Doug was taken from us. It's also, coincidentally, a year since Doug & I took what would end up being our last photos together. A big huge fuck you to Facebook for reminding me of that today! His 10 month angelversary also got me to thinking from a different perspective. 

One year ago today, I didn't realize that I was only being allowed 2 more short months with my soulmate. It's heartbreaking to think of it that way. We were quickly running out of time & didn't realize it. God, it's been 10 months & all I've got to do is walk into my living room & I'm immediately transferred back in time to 7:30 am on March 10th. I'm standing over him with my worst fear realized: my Doug was dead. DEAD! What the fuck?! How could this actually be happening?! HOW?!?! I mean I know I told him everyday, while arguing over his constant need to be wasted, that he wouldn't live to see 30 if he kept up what he was doing! And, don't get me wrong, I normally love being right! 'Don't drink that entire bottle! You're gonna regret doing that, Doug!' 'Don't throw all of the movies out in the yard in a drunken rage! You'll regret it when none of them will work any longer!' But I did not want to be right about THIS!! I'd give ANYTHING to have had him prove me wrong this one time! If he could, I know he'd say, 'I should've listened to you, baby!' As he always did if I was right about something. I guess the worst part is, the night before he died, we had a TWO HOUR LONG conversation about how I didn't want to wake up & find him dead! That if I found him dead, the kids would find him dead! I asked him if that's what he wanted. I said that will fuck us up for life; not to mention I'm sure your crazy ass family would blame me! (Yes, isn't it ironic! Because those crazy assholes DO blame me, as stupid as it is!!) Normally when I said this to him, he'd respond by saying, 'nothing's going to happen to me! I've drank more then this in one night & didn't die!' But this night, he said, 'no baby, I don't want that to happen!' I felt like I shouldn't have ever said that to him! But I had no idea it would happen that night. God, hindsight really is 20/20!! It's like I knew from the time I met him that our relationship would be short-lived. But I guess, deep down, I thought if he does die, it'll be years from now! Because it takes longer then 8 years for alcohol to kill you, right?!?! I know so many alcoholics that have drank every day of their lives & are still kickin it at 50+ years old! But, they don't drink vodka everyday. They mix it up a bit; bear & liquor only  occasionally. Doug was not like that; it was vodka & it was every single day. 

God knows, I didn't want it this way. I stupidly though we had our whole lives left. I stupidly thought he had all the time in the world to get better! He was trying. He didn't want to be that way! I mean, who the fuck would want albeit choose to live their life that way?! No one!! He would cry & tell me he didn't want to be like that! And, for any idiot that may read this & think or say, 'he wasn't trying! He drank the night before he died!' Fuck you! That don't mean he wasn't trying! Get off of your fucking high horse! People slip; make mistakes! It all goes back to the point: it was his time to go. Nothing I did or didn't do would've saved him. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn't fix him. Any 'Godly' person knows that God knows from the moment you are conceived when he will reclaim his gift to us. He knew when Bonnie conceived him 29 years ago that he was going to take him back on March 10, 2015. He would only be allowed 27 precious years in this life until he was to move on to the next. One month & 7 days shy of his 28th birthday. Forever 27. 

He didn't lie to me. He did stay with me for his forever! We ran out of time far too soon! Not a day goes by; hell, not a second goes by that he's not on my mind. Not a second goes by that I don't wish things were different! Lord knows, if I could change what happened, I WOULD!! It breaks my heart in half! Not only for myself but for my kids. They still talk about him every single day! 

One things for sure, the love I have for him is all consuming! And I'll love him until my own forever! His beautiful face is imprinted in my mind. I see it every time I close my eyes. No matter where this life will lead me, he will come along. His pictures are still up everywhere in my house. I still have everything he owned. Most still where he left it! The food we cooked the night before he died is STILL in my fridge, 10 months later!! I'll throw it out when I'm ready. Unlike some assholes, I won't sweep him under a rug & remember him as a 17 year old high school kid! I remember him for the beautifully, amazing man his alcoholism clouded. I seen through it. 

I love you, my Doug. Always have. ALWAYS WILL. 

Love,

Your Toni Williams 

One year ago today!

Picture he took of himself that night, after I went to bed, lol!