A great need to vent

I'm going to write an entire blog strictly as a way to vent. At times, I may sound like an ungrateful bitch. BUT, I'm really NOT!! I just need to get some things out that are discouraging me. Everyone knows that I have an organization called Kaylea's Little Pieces Of Heaven. I send out bears to angel mothers in memory of my own two angels. See, I wanted to do something good; something that wouldn't cost a dime for the mothers that I help. I've seen so many 'organizations' that in the beginning start for the right reasons. But somewhere down the line, their organization takes off & their heads get big. Their egos grow with their organizations. I didn't want to become like those people. Because, you see, every charitable organization starts out at the bottom, where I am. But once they grow, prosper, they look down on us little people just trying to help & just starting out. You have those types. Then, there's the next type that when ego & arrogance come, morals go. Straight out the window. Then they claim all proceeds go towards some made up charity. They claim to hand make jewelry that they know they aren't hand making! They charge severely over the top prices for something you could make yourself. They send the same types messages to everyone that contacts them. They turn their backs on angel parents if they disagree with one tiny thing they do or rather don't do. And it never ceases to amaze me how many people fall into that trap over & over again! Trust. How do you gain it? Do you gain it by not charging a single dime for any service you offer? Do you tell the truth & send the product out when you say you will do so? Do you put countless hours of your free time into hand making puzzle pieces? Do you always interact with your fans on a personal level & tell them you're sorry for their loss & call their baby out by name so it doesn't sound like the same pre-typed message sent to everyone? Because all of these are things I do. Daily. I charge for absolutely nothing that I do. I give the option to everyone to purchase their bear but it is NOT necessary nor is it required! I do my best to offer advice & support to any angel mother that needs it. I spend every second of my free time either making bears or graphics, answering inbox messages & several other things. Yet, these assholes, such as Kerin Lee, for example, screw over just about everyone that comes to her for help!! I've never ever done the things to people she has done & yet I can't get help, can't get anywhere with what I'm doing. I have never, not once took money from someone that decided to pay for their bear & not actually send it out. I ship every paid for bear out on the next business day! Have I not proved that I'm trustworthy?!?! Yet those that are in NO WAY trustworthy, receive donation after donation. They are actually able to sell everything they can, down to a rubber bracelet!! I couldn't give them away!! 

I'm not asking to be put on a pedestal or to be told I'm great for what I'm doing. However, a simple 'thank you' is greatly appreciated! Half of the time, I have to send a message asking if they've received their bear because I never hear back from them. I notify everyone when I've shipped out their bear. Most don't even respond. I shipped out bears recently, and not one person has told me they've received it yet. The estimated arrival day was 2 days ago. I work very hard on these bears! Now granted I have a long wait list. I have no way of telling them when they'll receive their bear. The people that are receiving bears now requested 2 years ago. They know what happened & why they're just now getting their bear. HOWEVER, none of the ones going out were paid for. So, they were aware that it will take time to send them. But everyone knows this when they go on the wait list. I tell everyone the same thing when they request a bear: there's an unspecified wait time but if you pay $10 or at minimum pay shipping costs, your bear will be shipped out on the next business day. Not once have I not sent out a paid for bear on the next business day!! When I first started my mission, in 2012, I started out on Twitter. I come across a few places that offered FREE keepsakes for angel parents. I requested a really cute wooden block from Maura's Mission & a rosary from Harper's Rosaries. These were free items. It took a few months to receive them. But, did I once message the lovely ladies making the keepsakes & ask them why I haven't received them yet?!?! Absolutely NOT. Why? Because they were free!! Now, had I paid for them, of course I would've been asking where they were. Let's face it, a 12 week or more wait time for an item that you paid shipping prices on is RIDICULOUS!! And people know when they sign up that I have no way of knowing when they'll receive their bear. Yet, I still get people that will place a request today & next week at this time will send me rude messages asking why they haven't received their bear yet & when they'll receive it. Now, don't get me wrong. Not everyone is this way & that is why I continue doing it. The good far outweighs the bad!! And I'm very grateful for all of my dedicated fans!! They are what makes this worth all the hassle. I just need to vent every now & then!! 

I constantly had people asking me how could they donate. At that time, I had no way for them to donate. Now I do. I made a GoFundMe account. I decided to ask a few baby loss pages if they'd share my campaign & help me raise funds. Of course, because there are those people that lie on GoFundMe accounts to take money from people, no one wants to share it for me! I always have fellow angel parents inbox me & ask me to share things like their GFM page or their fan pages. I always do it! Any way that I can help, I'll do it. It's not a freaking competition! We're all working toward the same purpose! There are some, again, Kerin Lee, that will ban you for even asking her to share anything on her page. And you will for sure find yourself banned if you share it yourself! Yet these arrogant women continue to thrive in the baby loss community! I'll never understand it for the life of me! And I'm VERY grateful for the $255 I've received in the past almost two months, don't get me wrong! But no one I know personally, no family, no friends, have donated anything. It's been people I've met online through my Facebook pages. And to me, that's incredibly AMAZING!! People that don't even know me have donated their money to help me & that's just amazing to me!! But why when my friends know me personally & know that I do exactly as I say I'm going to do, why don't they help?! And like I said, I'm very grateful for what I have. But I don't understand why my own friends & my community don't want to help! 

I've tried twice now to hold a public event such as a balloon release and a remembrance walk. Both times, I've failed. I tried to get my local paper & news station to run a story & I've failed each time. They don't even tell me no but choose to just ignore my messages. Why is it so hard to get people to care about something so serious?!?! I was told, when comparing breast cancer & losing a child, that breast cancer gets so much attention because those that live are survivors & they want to shout that out. Do people not think us angel mommies are survivors as well?!?! We survived something no one should EVER have to endure: the death of our children!! WE ARE SURVIVORS!!! Survivors with unbelievable strength & courage! I'm not saying those that survive breast cancer aren't survivors & don't have strength & courage. I'm just saying that WE are survivors too! 

I feel like I'm trying incredibly hard to do the right thing. To simply prove that our babies matter. To break the silence, to spread awareness. But absolutely no one cares. The more I try to do, the further I fall behind. And I REFUSE to stoop down to the level of the slime that screw over people on their way to the top. No. I'm just going to start over. Start small. And hopefully, one day, I'll achieve what I started out to do 3 years ago.

I hope no one reading this takes offense to what I'm saying. I am forever grateful for every donation I've received, for every lovely person I encounter every single day, for every photo I receive of bears from happy & grateful customers! For every 'thank you' & every kind word said to me by wonderful women! I just wish everyone were so kind & grateful for the hard work I put into making these bears for everyone. For every dollar I spend of my own money to make them free for everyone. And I want to say a huge thank you to everyone that has helped in any way, big or small! From donating their hard earned money to simply sharing my campaign! THANK YOU!!!