I've been through quite a lot in my 29 years on this earth. I've buried my first born baby, lost my second baby through a miscarriage and lost my granny all within 7 months of 2004. My husband left me at five months pregnant with every baby we have. I lost my other granny last July. All of this pales in comparison to what I woke up to on Friday, June 28, 2013 (yesterday).
On Thursday night, after I gave my daughter a bath, she felt a little warm. She had been outside playing earlier and I didn't know if she was just hot from being outside or if she was running a fever. So, to be on the safe side, I took her temperature. It was 100.7, which is not high. Both her and my son have run temps much higher than this plenty of times before. So, I gave her some Motrin and she went to sleep in my moms recliner. She wanted to sleep in the living room with me. I sleep on my couch because my bed hurts my back. Anyway, before she fell asleep, she told me, "I feel a lot better, Mommy." I said, that's great baby! I wasn't feeling well either. But we fell asleep.
At 8:30 am on Friday morning, I suddenly sat straight up on the couch. I don't know what woke me up. Maybe it was my motherly instinct kicking in. I heard a weird noise coming from the recliner and I could see that Kenadi was breathing funny. I got up and went over to her and what I seen will haunt me the rest of my life. A parents worst nightmare: my baby turning blue and unresponsive. Just typing this is sending my nerves into a knot in my stomach.
I touched her arm and her skin felt like it was on fire! She was making a gurgling noise and was foaming at the mouth, like little bubbles coming out of the corner of her mouth. She was breathing but barely. And it was like she was taking quick gasps of air. Her skin was bright red and her face was turning blue. I said her name, nothing. I lifted her up and it was just dead weight. At this point I began to panic. I started yelling, PLEASE WAKE KENADI, PLEASE BABY, WAKE UP!!!! And NOTHING!! She would open her eyes not even half way and they were rolling around in her head.
My Mom lives with us but she works third shift. I was here alone and since I didn't know what was happening, I was completely oblivious as to what to do. So, I just kept begging her to breathe. Please just breathe!! Please wake up, dear God, please let my baby wake up!! For some reason, I picked her up and took her outside and laid her in the grass. I had dialed 911 and I was holding the phone with my face and shoulder and my cheek must've hit the end button before anyone picked up. My neighbor, Vicki, always tells me, "if you ever need me, just call me." So, I just began screaming her name to the top of my lungs. I began screaming "somebody please help me, PLEASE HELP ME!!!!" I felt like I was in a bad scary movie where the person is screaming, help, and no one comes! All of a sudden, my Mom & Vicki come rolling into the yard. It turns out, Mom had run up to Vickis to pay her for mowing our grass on Thursday. So, she was at Vickis and they heard me screaming help me. Mom was just as scared as I was! By this time, I had called 911 & was on the phone with them. My Mom kept asking me what happened. I said, I don't know, when I woke up she was like this!! I came into the house to explain what was going on to dispatch. Through my hysterical panic, I tried my best to tell her what happened.
Meanwhile, Vicki come in and wet towels with cold water and Mama was outside still trying to get her to breathe. Mama was saying, Kenadi wake up baby, breathe, please look at me. And nothing happened. She was still laying there with her eyes rolling back in her head & by now Mama couldn't get a breath from her. At this time, Mama was positioning her to start CPR while Vicki covered her from head to toe with the cold towels. As Mama tilted her head to start CPR, she let out a breath and opened her eyes!!! My baby was coming back around!!
Mama picked her up and brought her inside. I was still on the phone with 911 when I seen her with her eyes open. Mama took her temperature and it was 101.7° Her eyes were still rolling around as she looked up at Mama and said, "Am I gonna die, nanny?" I lost it again. Not because of what she said but because I heard her sweet voice!! She was very disorient and didn't know what was going on. She thought she was just waking up from being asleep. Eventually, the ambulance arrived & took us to the hospital. It was determined that she suffered a febrile seizure. It's caused by a quick & sudden spike in the temperature of a child. Apparently, it's very common in small children. The doctor found that her tonsils were a bit red & swollen and that was the culprit for the fever in the first place. I was told to alternate Motrin & Tylenol for the fever. That's it. By the time we left, my baby was 100% back to normal.
I had a lot of things go through my mind as I watched my daughter, helplessly unable to take this away from her. As a parent, you are expected to protect your children from any kind of harm. But what happens when nature kicks in and you can't take away the pain with a kiss? What happens when your Childs body turns violently against them right before your eyes? At one point, I dropped to my knees and begged God to spare my daughters life. That if he had to take someone, to please take me instead of her! Please, don't take another baby away from me! I'll do anything to keep her! What would I tell Gavin if she dies? How will I explain to a 7 year old child that he won't be seeing his "sissy" anymore? I thought about her as a baby, off to a rocky start. It's like her life was flashing before my eyes. I thought, I'd give anything to hear her say I love you, Mommy! Or hear her say the many hilarious things she says throughout everyday! Or hear her feet running up the hall with her "doo-dads" box in her hands. Every time she's ever done something little kids do to get in trouble ran through my mind. Every problem I was having suddenly disappeared and all that mattered was bringing her back. Snapping her out of whatever was happening to her. It was so surreal. I felt like I was floating outside my body watching this and not being able to help my baby. Watching, helplessly from the sidelines. Watching her beautiful eyes sink & roll around in her head, while I scream, begging her to breathe, begging her to wake up. Just please wake up, baby!!
It opened my eyes. Opened them up to the possibility that I may have to say goodbye to yet another child of mine. Only this time, I wouldn't pull through it. I used to say that if my baby had to die (when I had Kaylea), I wish I'd gotten atleast a little time with her, alive, outside of my body. But now that I have two living children, I can't bare the thought of losing one of them! Of course, I realize that your children can be taken from you just as fast as they were given. And now that I know what happened was a seizure and was not at all life threatening, I still don't have peace of mind. To me, I thought she was dying. The doctor acted very casual about it because I'm sure he's sees this every single day. But I don't! And I hate that he was so casual about it. I know someone had to be calm but atleast acknowledge that it was very scary for me as a mother who's never seen this happen! I don't take kindly to someone being so casual about my daughters life, my life!
This was a very real moment in my life. A moment I hope to never have to relive as long as I'm alive. The shear terror of losing my baby girl has scared me down to my soul. Everytime I close my eyes, I see her little body, still, unresponsive and burning up. I hear the noise she was making. I feel the helpless feeling, all over again. I feel the panic and the desperate attempt to get her to wake up. I go into her room during the night, several times, to make sure she's ok. I can't seem to get passed it.
This wasn't life threatening, but I didn't know that at first. So I really thought she was dying. As a result, I learned a lesson. What I'm taking away from this horrendous experience is never take your children for granted. No one knows when they will be called home. Love your kids. Hug them. Kiss them. Laugh & play with them. Memorize every laugh, every cry, every word they say. Because, one day you may give anything to hear those sounds one more time. I will never take these things for granted again. My children are precious, a borrowed gift from God that will someday need to be returned. Until then, I'll hug my children a little tighter and thank God for lending them to me!
